Stepping Out of (and Enlarging) Your Comfort Zone
Guest post by Katerina Taiganides. We, and our horses, tend to love our little routines, habits, and daily rhythms that give us a sense...
We, and our horses, tend to love our little routines, habits, and daily rhythms that give us a sense of peace, safety, and, yes, sameness to our days. That very sameness, however, may be holding us, and even our horses, back from a more fulfilling, healthy, inspiring version of ourselves. It can also hinder the development of a deeper, more connected relationship with our horses.
There is a lot to be said for consistency when it comes to horses, but that consistency applies mostly to their care (What they eat, how much they get out every week, scheduled vaccinations and dental care), your behavior (Are you the “same human” every time?), and your cueing and reward system (Does a kissing sound always mean “Go”? Is your personal space bubble always the same size?). When it comes to your behavior and cueing/rewarding, it matters not so much how you do it, but that you are consistent about it. A happy horse is one who understands his owner’s behavior and cues, and therefore knows how to avoid pressure by offering up what is expected of him.
However, an overly same and repetitive rhythm to a horse’s days can lead to boredom, unwillingness, and, worse, sickness. In you, such routines can cause you to lose mindfulness; you may not be paying close attention to how you enforce rules or apply riding cues, and you may have not been keeping a check on your emotional displays. Bad habits may creep up and lead to a breakdown in communication with your horse, which can then make your interactions downright dangerous, if not simply unpleasant and uninspiring for you both.
If you normally ride in a ring, you could lead your horse on a walk through nearby trails, or even surrounding neighborhoods to greet cars, dogs, strollers, and little kids that pass by. Expose your horse to foreign moving and immobile objects that she never gets to see when she goes from stall to arena and back. Let her walk up and smell them, touch them with her nose. Desensitize her with your lead rope if she scares at new objects until she learns to trust her own ability to calm herself down when scared.
If you normally practice dressage with your horse, and getting off the property is too risky a step, you could do some liberty work on the ground. Let him loose without any tack or halters in an enclosed arena, round pen, or smallish paddock. Ask your horse to focus on you, move in the direction you ask, come in when called. At first the task may seem impossible, but, after a few times, you will begin to believe in miracles, and your horse will believe in you. Your dressage rides? They will improve, guaranteed.
If you are working a young horse or even an older one, add obstacles and challenges to your groundwork and ridden work. Build a pedestal from pallets or old tractor tires. Teach them to stand on all fours on it, or stand on it with their front feet and disengage the hindquarters until they have turned a complete circle without having gotten off the pedestal. Make a teeter-totter and have fun teaching them to balance on it and swing up, then down. The feeling of accomplishment and the gaining of trust from these exercises is tremendous, and will enrich your communication and relationship with your horse.
Get your athletic eventing horse to a team penning class and try your skills at rounding up a calf. You might find she (and you) have a taste for it! You might also find that she is not as responsive as you thought and might need some extra work with rollbacks or canter departures from a halt. Either way, you will bond with your horse from your shared excitement and curiosity at this new challenge!
By allowing your horse to investigate new activities and a different world than she is used to, you will be given two golden opportunities of discovery: 1) you will be able to discover the hidden talents/likes/dislikes/abilities she and you may have; and 2) you will find which niggling problems/anxieties you have been hiding from each other. (Well, there’s a caveat with the last part of this statement: your horse definitely knows what problems/anxieties you carry with you, but you, yourself, may be unaware of them until they rear their ugly head during one of your new challenges!)
Any hiccups you encounter (your horse balks, you freeze up, your horse wants to bolt or works himself up into a panic) are not to be taken as a failure or a message of “What a mistake this was, I should have stayed in my comfort zone!” Quite the opposite! These moments are like windows that allow you an open view into you and your horse’s deepest fears and emotions, your chance to see who you really are and who he really is and what fears/anxieties each one of you might be holding on to. It’s also your chance to step up and be your horse’s leader by helping him get through his fear and release his anxiety; horses are quite good at letting go if we help them (humans are a bit more stubborn in this area!). Any negative reactions that arise from the new challenge are not to be taken as misbehavior or cause for regretting this step out of your comfort zone: these reactions are important information that you may have never gleaned had you not pushed yourself and your horse outside the limits of your comfort.
And now that you found and have worked through that one, persistent, niggling piece of anxiety that was stored up in your horse, you need not worry that it will bubble up in him the next time you canter up to a jump, or encounter a bicycle on the trail. Funny how, once you help your horse empty his “worry cup”, it doesn’t fill up as quickly afterwards.
As for you, well, you may have never realized how terrified you were of losing control when you were riding on the trail, and therefore had been holding on to your horse with a death grip (which only became apparent when you tried something new, like jumping, and almost got yanked off when she jumped forward and your hands didn’t give). You might not have known how intimidating you are to your horse until you tried to work him at liberty in a round pen or arena and he runs and runs away from you ad infinitum. All these little bumps in the road will make you slow down, re-assess yourself and your horse, and, hopefully, take the necessary steps to smooth them out. With practice, any new bump in the road will take less and less work to smooth out. Even a life lived within its comfort zone is not bump-less; better to know how to get through the bumps with grace than to slam into them unprepared.
The beauty of getting out of your comfort zone and successfully moving through a new, previously fear-inducing experience is that stronger mental and emotional muscles will develop in both of you. You and your horse will find yourselves more confident, more open to trying new things, more sure of what you already know. These variations in activities and surroundings will serve to connect the two of you in a deeper way (“We cantered on a loose rein through the forest!” “We survived the fearful teeter-totter!” “We hit the polo ball on the near side!”) and will energize you, helping carry you and him through the more boring and mundane parts of your lives. You will literally begin to think in terms of “we” in your accomplishments, and not so much “I.” Long after your adventures are over, you will both thrum with the thrill of those little victories, he munching now more contentedly on his hay in the stall and you answering your umpteenth email with a smile on your face.
An infinite array of exercise possibilities exist to strengthen the connection between you and your horse and give you those sweetly fulfilling “A-ha!” moments when you discovered something new and wonderful about each other or worked through your fears together. After that, your moments of sameness and routine will be all the more pleasing, satisfying, and “Aahh”.
Katerina Taiganides is creator of the blog Enjoying the Ride Together where she shares life lessons from a globe-trotting, horsey life.